


time marches on, while i alone do not

by ElleVarem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble, Grief/Mourning, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Harry-centric, Introspection, M/M, Photography, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24230503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleVarem/pseuds/ElleVarem
Summary: One night, Harry realized that he could count more differences than similarities between himself and those he surrounded himself with. It wasn’t just Ron or Hermoine. It was Neville, Ginny and all the rest of his friends too.Or Harry Potter took some time to grow into himself for himself.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood & Harry Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 58





	1. tick

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kannjou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kannjou/gifts).



> Shout out to kannjou and my SO for reading this piece and giving me so much support, this fic wouldn't be here without you

One night Harry realized that he had too many differences from the people close to him. It wasn’t just Ron or Hermoine. It was Neville, Ginny, and all the rest of his friends from Hogwarts.

Tick.

Harry liked leaving the window curtains open at night. He enjoyed seeing the stars above him and the night sky change.

  
  


Ginny liked closing the curtains when she slept. She said she needed the darkness to give her comfort. The darkness only reminded Harry of bad memories.

Tick.

Ron, ever loyal, wanted Harry to join the Aurors with him. 

Harry did.

  
  


He didn’t like the way they were being trained. It felt like he was being trained to hunt, not protect.

Harry stuck with it for a year.

Then he quit.

  
  


The media didn’t like that. Harry didn't care.

Tick.

Ginny threw herself into her work. She said she never had time for hobbies. Whenever it was her turn to clean, she'd open up the book on household spells her mom gave her.

Harry took on more hobbies. He wanted to find a passion. 

He never got a house-elf to help take care of the house and he always cleaned by hand. He said it gave him peace.

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry learned how to play guitar.

Ginny said it was romantic and all the other girls swooned.

Harry didn’t want to tell her that he learned because he wanted to create something beautiful.

  
  
  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry would run into Draco Malfoy at muggle pubs. They would always end up sitting together, not saying a word. If they did speak it was simple.

“Potter”

“Malfoy”

...

“Night Potter”

“Goodnight Malfoy”

There was too much said and too much left unsaid. It was easier for them to sit together, unnoticed at a muggle pub.

Tick.

Sometimes in the darkness of their shared bedroom, Harry would lie awake.

“Two ships passing in the night”

Harry remembered that phrase and he felt that. He understood the grief of lost chances and peace letting a chance go. Sometimes he hoped that he could pass that ship and catch a lighthouse. He wanted solid ground. 

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry could never bring himself to go into the corn mazes muggles loved.

The Weasley family invited him to one of those muggle farms during Halloween.

Harry tried to go in. He took one step in and froze. He felt like his arms held the cold body of a young man he admired.

He sat out by the pumpkin patch waiting for the rest of the family. He couldn’t stop staring at his hands.

Molly offered to buy him a caramel apple. Harry couldn’t taste anything other than ash.

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry always comes home to a dark bedroom with the curtains pulled shut. Some nights he’ll pull the curtains open and stare up into the sky for hours. Other times he’d just crawl under the covers and wish the darkness away.

  
  


Tick.

  
  
  


As different as Harry and Ginny were, they had one fundamental similarity.

They once had Tom Riddle in their minds.

Some days were bad and they’d just sit there in silence.

Even with this similarity, there was a difference. Harry has Voldemort in his head and soul for 18 years, she did not.

She didn’t understand.

  
  
  


Tick.

  
  
  
  


Harry liked Quidditch. He liked the thrill of a game and the challenge of the sport.

He liked flying more.

Harry is a natural at flying, feeling the wind in his hair and soaring in the sky.

Harry thought of Buckbeak and the freedom that brought. The exhilaration of flying above everyone and everything.

He never wanted to come down.

Harry never wanted to land.

  
  
  


He then thought of that fateful night, a cry, and a white blur of color falling to the ground. He thought of two red-headed boys, absolutely identical, and more cries.

  
  
  


Harry never went flying anymore.

He never took his feet off the ground.

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry liked the new muggle inventions. He enjoyed the different TV programs. He reads muggle blogs about anything but he pays special attention to the cooking and gardening blogs. He even subscribed to a couple of channels. 

Sometimes Harry will go out back and try to pull the weeds out from the neglected garden.

He would kneel by the garden beds then his body would freeze.

  
  


Tick.

No one really changed, but they also changed a lot.

Neville carried himself well with his fame.

Hermione is always hard working.

Ron was showing his skills as a strategist in the Aurors.

Luna was always the same. Harry was thankful for this.

They all say that Harry changed the most.

Harry didn’t feel like he changed at all. He only did what he was told.

..

.

  
  


Tick.

  
  
  
  


Sometimes Harry would visit Luna and she'd talk about the faeries or ask questions.

“Where are you, Harry James Potter?”

Harry thought of that dark bedroom, the Hogwarts towers, the green pitch, the blindly white train station, and the cupboard.

Harry always replied, “I’m here talking to you”. He didn’t know what she meant. 

Luna would smile sadly and Harry would think just a little bit more.

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry stared at his fingers intertwined with Ginnys. Their skin tones in stark contrast.

Harry wondered where his family really was from. He wondered where the Potter line was from before coming to Wizarding England.

Harry wanted to ask his parents friends but-

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry went to Hogwarts

Tick.

There were more people there. There was always someone saying that Harry should do something.

“Shouldn’t Harry Potter be an Auror?”

“Maybe Harry Potter could be our Professor?”

“Harry Potter: the washed-up savior”

“Harry Potter is homosexual?”

“Where is Harry Potter now?”

Harry felt the whispers get louder.

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry went to Hogwarts. He spoke with McGonagall.

"Professor Mc-"

"Harry, just call me Minerva"

"Oh, Minerva, can I stay here? For a bit"

"Don't distract the students or staff"

People would catch Harry sitting in front of paintings chatting with their subjects.

Sometimes they’ll see him by a window in the library with a stack of books. Harry was always searching for something.

Sometimes they didn’t believe it was actually Harry Potter and called him another school ghost. 

  
  


Tick.

  
  


Harry couldn’t bring himself to stay very long at Hogwarts, he didn’t find his answers there. There were too many memories.

Camera flashes, Black blurs, and red blood.

He thought he would be okay at Hogwarts, his first home.

  
  
  


Tick.

  
  
  


Harry thought of a small cupboard. He thought of a six-year-old boy being told to do chores or no dinner. He thought of mean eyes and pigs.

Harry thought of twinkling eyes and a kind giant. Their eyes may be kinder but the end result was the same.

Harry was always told what to do. Even now, he could follow this path laid out for him. He could continue to just-

  
  
  


-exist.

  
  
  


Tick.

  
  
  
  


Harry made a decision.

Time to find a home.

Time to find himself.

* * *

Tock.


	2. tock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry starts moving.

Harry started spending more time with Luna. Mindlessly chatting with her about anything and everything. She always asked the hard questions.

“Where will you go now?”

Tock.

Harry moved out of the house with Ginny. He couch hopped for a couple of months before he decided to just stay at a muggle hotel.

Tock.

Harry still ran into Malfoy these days but it was at coffee shops now. It was always the small hole in the wall shops, never the Starbucks or Pret A Manger. Harry figured that they must have similar snack tastes. 

“Potter”

“Malfoy”

But it didn’t end with that anymore. They talked about meaningless things like the weather and which cafe had a better latte. Harry wondered if they were more similar than he remembered. 

“See ya later Malfoy”

“Next time, Potter”

Tock.

“I want to go everywhere”

Harry asked Luna if she wanted to go on an adventure with him. He stumbled over the words.

“Like a happy adventure, ya know the ones where they just explore and nothing goes wrong? “

She laughed and agreed. Luna wanted to write articles about the world for the Quibbler. Harry wasn’t too sure. 

Tock.

Harry traveled the world. He went to quiet beaches and huge cities. It was fun to travel with Luna. Nothing too exciting happened. They always made it back to that night’s place to stay in time for dinner.

Weeks turned into months. Months turned into seasons. Even then, Harry was too caught up in the thrill of exploring.

But then Luna said she had to go home.

Tock.

Harry continued traveling. He thought about those muggle cameras while he was traveling.

Harry picked up a camera and that became his traveling partner.

Harry sent muggle postcards to his friends. He included Malfoy on that list.

Harry saw Malfoy’s owl more now. He hoped the owl wasn't too tired. Harry couldn’t help but spoil any animal or magical creature.

Tock.

He finished his travels.

Tock.

On his travels, Harry tried scuba diving. It felt like flying but the colors of the reefs were so vivid.

He felt like he was flying but this was safe. He never wanted to come up to the surface.

Harry always came up to the surface.

Tock.

Harry got himself a 2-bedroom flat by his favorite coffee shop. Luckily for him, that shop is also Draco's favorite.

The flat had huge windows, it made the winters a little drafty but the views always made up for it.

Harry could always see the sky. He could fly without his feet leaving the ground.

Tock.

Harry invited his friends over. His friends were always loud and busy. They were playing some new party games while Harry took his drink to the balcony.

Luna joined him outside just as the sun dipped beneath the horizon.

"Harry, I see you found where you are now"

Harry just smiled into his drink. He turned to go back inside. Just before he went inside, Harry turned his head back to Luna.

“I’m here, talking to you”

Luna laughed as they both went inside together.

Tock.

Harry kept that extra bedroom as a workshop and studio. He developed photos, wrote his letters, and kept his guitar there. Harry hung photos from his school years here. There were so many photos he wanted to put up but it started to get crowded.

"Potter, this is a safety hazard. You can not fit so many photos on this blasted wall."

"-! But Draco, can't you charm them or something?"

"No! Safety. Hazard. Too. Many. Photos"

Harry never got another owl. He just kept borrowing Malfoy's owl.

"Harry! Really? I need to send a letter to my mother! My mother Harry!"

Tock. 

Harry felt love. 

Tock.

Harry didn't count the seconds of the night anymore. He's now able to turn his head and see the sky.

* * *

Harry Potter published a collection of photos under a pseudonym, James Henry. He didn't have any particular talent for photography. The book was just photos of his travels. Critics called the photos "too raw" and "not enough" but to Harry, it was something beautiful.

The collection wasn't well known for anything other than coffee table decoration.

But to some, who read the preface, the collection was proof.

"I am living my own life, and I hope you are too"

* * *

Another collection was published. It was filled with photos from Harry's own porch, the profile of a blond man, and his scuba diving trips.

Harry Potter found his home in the sky and his adventure in the seas and his very own person to come back to. Harry Potter felt peace.

* * *

"I can fly in the sea and the sky but you are where I land"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really self-indulgent drabble I wrote at like 2 am on my phone one night.  
> In a way, I was exploring society's standards and expectations in this day and age through Harry's own journey and life. I honestly don't think that Harry would want to be a part of the Aurors for his career choice. While he does have a hero-complex I think Harry would want to explore more of the wizarding world and the world in general.  
> The Drarry crept in, whoops.
> 
> Thank you for reading, this was on my first fanfic haha.  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this as a one-shot but I think it's better to read with two chapters


End file.
